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Ever since Trogg painted Trogg’s Dog on the walls of his cave, humanity has loved dog pictures. They signify what we all know: Trogg and all us other dog people are better people. Dog people are more empathetic, more responsible and more pleasant to be around. And, if you’re a better person, you’ll get more likes on Facebook, more swipe rights on Tinder, more responsibility and pay at work.
So, if you’re one of the many ranks of the dogless who wants to live that best life like a Dog Person, right now, go GET A DOG. Nothing says good person like adopting a pet for no other reason than to impress people on the internets.
Or:
I’ll sell you photos of MY dog that you can say is YOUR dog. Hang them on your walls or place them on your desk to look like a superior person: AKA a dog person. I’ll even supply each print with a story why your dog isn’t around at the moment. Excuses include but are not limited to:
- It’s my ex’s weekend to have him. This approach accomplishes two things:
- 1. You’re a dog owner. BADASS!
- 2. You have an ex, so you are a desirable enough person to have had a mate worth mixing romance and dogs with. DOUBLE BADASS!
- He’s being microchipped. This is a slippery slope with the questions begged to be asked by dogs themselves like, “why is my location your fucking business, Edna?”
- It died. This is the main excuse for customers named Edna. Sorry Ednas, but you’re kind of a fucking drag. PS if you’re an Edna and offended, please send complaints to thisisntarealemail@dogspeeingonthings.com
But, just because Edna’s stop conversations doesn’t meant we’re stopping with standard ass Dog Photos. No, for Premium Dale.Dog photos you’ll get the following:
- Premium Service: I’ll photoshop you into a picture of my dog for you to say it’s your dog
- Digital Goods: 1 of 1 NFT for use however you’d like, be it as a profile picture on Twitter, LinkedIn or Adult Friend Finder. Hang it on your Metaverse wall. Or, just to text your mom to look less lonely.
- or, just want to buy digital prints? Check out my OpenSea page to share “your” dog as your avatars and line your metaverse HERE
- Physical Goods: Choose from a shirt or laptop cover with your picture of you and “your” dog. What better to wear to your Tinder date at the dog brunch jok’ing than an NFT-shirt with your mug and dog on it?
- Email hollowlegcomics@gmail.com for more information!
PERFECT FOR THE HOLIDAYS: Got some deadbeat, semi-serial killer, fire setting, bed weating kids who couldn’t keep the last three hamsters alive? Want to have The Talk again? Or purchase pet memories that will never involve shoeboxes, the back yard and a shovel?
BONUS: Besides just looking like a better person, there are other benefits of dog ownership. Ever at a party and want to leave? Bad date? No FUN in that FUNeral? Well, the magic phrase that cures all is, “Sorry to take off, but I have to let the dog out.” Who says, “let it shit in the floor?” Non-dog people that’s who, proving that Dog People are better people.
RULES: The only rule for use is that you always have to refer to the dog as Dale. If I hear any bullshit about you calling him Gaston or Spot or Oscar (short for Oscar Meyer), I retain the right to revoke ownership of the above digital or physical goods and punch you in the neck.
NOTE: Don’t come at us with that, “my cat is like a dog,” horse shit. Because in addition to being dogless, now you’re also a liar. What is worse than an absence of dogs than an absence of truth, you lying box of cat shit? And, what would solve your dilemma of being a lying box of cat shit? Owning a dog… Or one of my dog photos…